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Exhaling
Sunday March 2, 2008
What a weekend!!..I did as I said, and went out Friday nite with my friends..It had been a long time since I've done that, so I wasn't sure how to act lol. We went to a lil rinky dink place here in town, and I saw a few ppl I hadn't seen in a while, I think reasons are we live our lives very differently. I saw one particular friend whom I used to be very close with many years ago, and she has changed so much, not so much in appearance, but in her life style. She is in the process of divorcing her second husband, whom is a really good man, and gave her a good life..she is giving this up for a life of being wild, how sad.
You know, I have no problem with going out and having a good time, but so many of the ones I saw that nite, have just let this become a way of living. I don't know if I feel sorry or am just disgusted that I have gotten stuck living here in this town of ppl locked in their younger years. I have always wanted to keep my sons close here, for them not to move away, but, my thoughts on that have surely changed. Hell, the town 30 mins away, would be an improvement.
Oh well enough about the pitifulness of ppl lives, I did however have a good time. Of course I had a few beers, and danced a lil as much as my old body would allow lol..and attempted to play a game of pool, which was just too funny, for I really wasn't trying at all. By 12:30 I was ready to go bye bye, lol...we decided it was food time, and it was at the perfect time, for hubby had to work, and was getting off, so I gave him a call, and had him meet us for a breakfast buffet. You know, I do believe the best part of the nite was sitting in that lil booth with my hubby and friends eating and laughing together...Smile...am I getting old or what...lol lol..but, it was ...
Oh, and the weekend didn't end with that...no no..yesterday on Saturday, man it was just a gorgeous day. Hubby and son got out and cut the grass, and kept bugging me, to come out. So finally I got my butt out of this house and went on outside. it was just beautiful. We even saw a hot air balloon passing overhead...and you know I was right there with my camera, taking pics of it, and of my lil guy jumping on the trampoline..
I thought, ummm.. perfect time to give my truck a washing, and so I got out the hose and washing stuff. My lil guy joined me with his rag in hand, and together we washed and rinsed and just had a blast. Nothing like the giggles of a 7 yr old when he is shooting the hose at his Mom...lol lol...Smile...
Yes, indeed, the weekend has been a good one, even today has started out good. I usually have that deep feeling of not wanting to get up and go to church and do my sign language, but, not today. I awoke feeling wonderful, " Thank you Lord"..and eagar to go. Readings were on how Jesus took clay and put it onto a blind man's eyes, and after washing it away, it also washed away the blindness of the man. You know, we as adults know of this story, and it still is amazing...but let me tell ya, when my 7 yrs old heard it at religion during the week, he was just amazed, all full of talk when he told me about it in the truck...Nothing like seeing it thru their eyes huh...Smile....
You know, I hear so much negative about the Catholic religion, and other religions, of how they don't get anything out of it, but, maybe reasons are they are not listening, how can the word of God ever be boring...To me, if ppl would stop looking around, to see who's there, or worrying about a strand of hair being out of place, and truly listen to the words, then just maybe they would get a heart full....Smile...
Wow, am I full of talk to day, hahah, that is a good thing right, for it means I am feeling good..again"Thank you Lord"...I pray the rest of my week goes as well as the weekend did, but, for now, I'll just appreciate this wonderful day and these wonderful feelings in my heart...and now I guess I'll stop jappering and see what else this day has in store for me...Smile | | Posted by SammyJo at 3:20 PM - | |
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Saturday March 1, 2008
Hi Buddy!!
HAPPY BUDDIES DAY!!!
Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going
You are so special!
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Just Hug and Hold On
You are so special!
'Be kind.
Everyone you meet Is Fighting some kind of battle.
| | Posted by SammyJo at 1:52 PM - | |
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Thursday February 28, 2008
I really wasn't going to post tonight, but my 7 year old touched my heart tonight at bed time. We did our usual bathing, hiding under the covers from Mom, lol and then time for prayers. We have our norm well our version of the "Now I lay me down to sleep", and then of course the Lord's prayer and a few others, and then the thanks and watch over prayers. But, tonight, he tells me that when I leave the room he wants to talk with God and pray for somethings, he told me of another lil guy in school who put his hands together and asked God to help him be able to jumprope better for the "Jump for Heart" they had at school on Monday. I was in awe, and a very large smile came across my face, and I told him that it was good, and yes indeed we surely can talk with God by ourselves, anytime we want to.
You know, it does start at home how to pray, how to love, but, when they get out in the real world away from us, it's a great influence. So, I thank God so much for allowing my lil guy to see this..and then in the school I so dreaded, was so afraid for him to go to. I am so glad I listened to my heart, to God and not fight to send him to another school.. at least for the moment, lol..I'm still in awe, my lil guy told me he wanted to talk to God by himself, not just a prayer that he learned, but to talk his own words...wowowowow. My heart is aglow, which I so needed...Thank you God...out of the mouths of babes huh.
Now, I tell ya what, this beats all the bubbles in the world!!!!!!!SMILE
Nite all
| | Posted by SammyJo at 11:23 PM - | |
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Wednesday February 27, 2008
Uh ummm bubbles bubbles and more bubbles and a cold bud. With a locked door music playing and water so hot it made my walls sweat, I ran away from the world for over an hour. I tell ya, it's almost as good as an ..well, you get my drift...lol...oh hell, this is my blog right, it's almost as good as a orgasm, almost, lol...I so needed to feel like a woman tonight, to feel soft, smell good, just feel all giggly and not have a care in the world, so for that hour nothing else existed but me and my bubbles.
But of course it had to end, as one bangs on the door, the phone rings, the world has found me again, damn it!!! Phone was hubby, break time again, checking in. Don't know if it was the bath or the bud, but, hubby was notified how lonely his wife is. Without, ugliness, without tears, but from my soul, it came out. I need a real husband, not one who spends every moment sleeping, even if it is to just walk with me in the morning for an hour, and not in silence. I told him I wasn't angry, and I wasn't trying to hurt or insult him, but was reaching out, no playing the guessing game, straight out and tell ya what I want. He agreed we need to have some us time, and that he would go walking with me in the morning.
We shall see. I'm not sure if I've ever just outright said that I'm lonely, then who knows. I just know that I'm so so so LONELY!!!! and I don't mean that I want sex, and all that goes with it. I need more than that.
I'm working so hard on me, on learning how to truly forgive myself and others, how to learn to let go of some things, to let others fend for them selves and to leave things in God's hands. But, there is this emptiness. So lonely. There is a part of me that is waiting for the time my kids are grown enough, and then I'm gone from here. I'd prefer to be alone than to be lonely in this house with another person.
I think I'm going to take my friend up on her offer of going out this Friday. Maybe some more cold ones and some loud music and dancing will do me good. Just let loose. Yea, think I will do that, she has been buggin me, and I've always had an excuse, but not this time, I'm going.
Oh well, guess I'll get kids to bed, time is passing quickly. | | Posted by SammyJo at 9:11 PM - | |
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Tuesday February 26, 2008
Look around, so alike, so different, none above nor below another. Each looking for that something to tell us what's it all about. So lost in the reasons of why we came here in the first place. What's on my mind in my heart whether it be a smile shared with my child or how the wind blew the tree in my back yard, those are the reasons I write. Seeing the words, pictures, even silly lil things are what make me who I am, as it does all who are here. Why from one day to another can I smile and be cheerful, and in the next I'm so lost within myself, questions only God can answer truly, but being able to just breathe it out, helps.
This place, my blog is a place for me to say it, to be happy, to be sad, to be angry, as it should be for all. It's my outlet, my way of keeping my self in tact in my real life. Sometimes the writing may not make any sense and may change from one sentence to the next, but, that is the beauty of this place, to be able to do that. There are feeling inside me that I know may not truly be my heart, but at the moment I feel them. So as not to hurt another with what I feel, I write it here. It may not be in agreement with someone else here, but take no offense of it, for it is my outlet. This is what I feel all here feel, but have somehow forgotten that along the way.
My words can't change the world, nor ppl, but, learning who I am and changing me, is one heck of a start. Smile
As my day started, and I looked outside, the clouds were darkening, and the wind was blowing, making the waters ripple in the fields around me, so I pulled out my camera and snapped a few. Kind of what I feel like these days..
God bless all.
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