Bad bad person was I yesterday. I guess I could blame it all on PMS, but then again we are supposed to be responsible for our own actions. Whew, it was supposed to be a good day, my son from college came home for a nite to get a hair cut and just spend time with us. We were going to open house for my 14 year old at school in the evening so I was very please to have all 3 of my sons with me for an evening.

 It started off pretty good, son arrived we gave big hugs and kisses, head off to get few things done. Picked up the 5 year old who was so excited to see his big brother, then off to get the 14 year old. They all clowned around and we thought of what we would do after the open house. Before we would head off I went to the drive thru at the Wendy's to get the boys Frosties and Nuggets. Of course, they had a problem with our order, would have to wait few min for the Vanilla, so we went with the chocolate. Got to the window to get it, and Boom, asked us to drive up and wait few min for the nuggets. Well, then we could have just gotten what we originally ordered. But, OK we went with it, while sitting waiting, boys open their ice cream and found they had give 2 vanilla and 1 chocolate, we thought OK good, but then we noticed one of them must have been from the last of the barrel, it was so watery, so I got down went inside to the counter to get another one. Well, going in there was 1 lady at the register and I want to say 2 people standing closer to the door a little behind the counter. I just walked up to the counter on the side of the lady paying the girl, more like in front of her, but I felt I looked and no one else was waiting in line or standing right there except her paying her bill, I didn't think it would hurt anyone, because I really need to talk to the people at the window which that was the close to it.

 I just walked up and I did know the girl who worked there, and I just looked at her with a look of disgust and put the cup down on the counter, she looked at me as to say what wrong and I said this is so nasty, too watery, that I would like to have another one, I realized maybe I was looking mean, and I didn't want that to be the case so I try to change my attitude with saying if I could have another one please. She knew it came from the drive thur, so she was getting the girl from that area. But then I heard someone making a sound a grunt or moaning of disgust, so I looked behind me to make sure it was not the people behind me, that maybe I did cut in front of them, but, it ws not them, they didn't even look like they were waiting for anything. So I waited, and then I heard it again, and looked to the lady on the side of me paying her bill. All this happened so fast. I realized that it ws her making the moaning gestures at me, I figured she didn't like the idea that I had come right in front of her. Which don't get me wrong, I understand, so I moved I got on the other side of her like behind her as not to be in front of her

. Well, talking to the girl about the situation of the ice cream, she went to get it for me, but, This woman, was not sastified, she kept making the grunting sounds at me. I was like oh my goodness I know she is not doing this. I looked toward her and she would never look at me but made it again, well I knew it was at me, she wanted me to know that, so I said, "I am sorry maim all right"!!!!, I did say it abruptly and sort of rude, but, I was not in a great mood and I had really been controlling it pretty well, up until that moment. Either this woman was in a bad mood too or she was just a real ?????, because she still wanted trouble, she just kept that mean look on her face and would just glare at me, oh my Goodness, I was totally shocked, but I just was nice to the people got my ice cream and asked for a spoon and they directed me to it and of course the woman walked passed me glaring at me with that hateful look. At that point my oldest son walked in and he could tell by the look on everyone's faces something was not right, he asked me everything all right, I should have just said yes, but of course not I had to say, oh there are just some rude ugly people in the world, and then the woman said something like well you cut in front of me, and of course I had to reply, don't even remember what I said, and she made another reply, I was going to say something more and then realized how stupid it all was, and just shut my mouth and gave a look as though it was foolish.

 Here we were 2 grown women acting the ass over nothing. I was so ashamed of myself for allowing this foolish woman to get to me. I was so angry just blew off steam in the truck and went on home. I thought about calling the Wendy's and letting them know that if they would have gotten my order right the first time, I wouldn't have been put in this situation in the first place, then I thought, maybe I should just call and apologize to them, that it could have been handled in a better way, then I thought to myself, SammyJo, stop thinking so darn much, what's done is done, they prob don't even give a hoot and neither should I. I just asked God to forgive me and help me to stop being so angry on this day.

 Just a little humor

Whew!!!  I survived the week!  I got it together, got the kids ready and started in school.  My vacation is almost done, shucks. 

So far my 2 younger ones got it good with their school.  Especially my 14 year old, he is one that totally hates school, but, he has grown so much over the summer, not only in height, but in mind also.  I tried something with him this summer, giving him a choice of things to do, and paying him an allowance, in other words he had a job working for me.  I was worried, because it never worked before, but I knew there were things he wanted and if he were to get money, then just maybe he would try this time.  Hurray, it worked, he worked so well, I got what I wanted, cleaner house, even a clean truck, and I stuck to my promise and he got paid. 

I also allowed him to let his hair grow as long as he wanted, with the agreement that when school started he would have to cut it, I would not force him to cut it like we normally cut it but it would have to be shorter than it was.  And quess what, time came for that hair cut, and I let him tell her what to do, but, it had to look neat.  Our hair dresser, is really great, she knows just what to do and she tried a new thing with him, to give him that 14 year old look and not that kiddies look.  He loved it.  He was so proud of how he looked, came home from school the first day with the biggest smile on his face.  He told me how he really liked school this year and how much he liked the way he looked because of his hair cut.  We talked about how he felt so much more mature, how he could relate what his older brother must have felt getting up in this grade.  Man, I was so proud of him being so mature.  I always had so much trouble with this one, and now hearing him talk so grown up, Oh, I just wanted to cry, cry myself an ocean.  I do have a younger one, but this one was my baby like 9 years before I had the 5 year old, so I still think of him as my baby too. 

I am trying very hard to let my kids grow and do for themselves, even though it is the hardest thing for me to do.  I am very possessive, and protective of my children. 

On that note, let me tell you the good and the bad that came with getting the older one off to college.  He has this girlfriend that he meet at school, I say they been dating about 5 or 6 months.  She had a boyfriend of 2 years when they met, but ended up dumping that guy.  Most of the girls he dated, where nothing but trouble, and I surely let him know about it.  And before you say, no mother likes the person their child dates, well let me tell you, I was right about each and every one of them, lol. 

 Anyway, with this girl I figured I will not jump to conclusion, even though she had already been having sex with the ex-boyfriend.  I know I know everybody is having sex at real young ages, but that doesn't make it right!!  This girl knew already that my son pretty much tells me everything, well most than other kids tell their parents.  I met her and her mother in the summer for the first time.  My impression of her, well, it was not too good.  Don't get me wrong, she is adorable, seems sweet, but it seem when I tried to talk to her, she ignored me.  I said to myself, OK OK this is the first time meeting this girl, and she may be nervous and not know what to say to me.  I am trying to learn that each person has their own ways and no two people are the same, so, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.  Now, her mother on the other hand was a very nice person, we chatted the whole time about our lives and our kids.  I learned that she and the girl's dad were divorced not long ago, and had a hard time with it all. 

With all the information I gathered, I figured that is why the girl seem distant.  But, later I learned more and more about her.  Her dad is getting married to another person soon, and the girl seems to love this lady very much and is closer to the dad.  She is always talking bad about her mom, to my son, which in turn he tells me about it.  I know I only met the mom once, but she seem to be very smart had a lot of common sense.  but, I am not living in their home. I wrote an email to the girl, a very sincere and from the heart email.  You see we went through similar things in our family, but we worked it out for the most part, but I know that Parents tend to forget about the kids when they are having problems.  So I tried relaying this to the girl, letting her know both sides of the story of a parent and a child.  That she must try talking to her mom, and dad, letting them know her feelings on the matter.  My son knew about the email, and it even made him cry, but you know that girl, never even replied to me at all about the letter.  Not a damn word, excuse my french.LOL. When I asked my son, if she said anything to him about what I had wrote, he just told me that she said she did try talking to them and they didn't care and didn't listen.  I found that strange, I could not believe that.  But, I said no more about it, but kept it in mind.

As the months pass, I watched and learned about her, I even let her come to my home and stay a few days, and you best believe my eyes were on careful watch, lol.  I have learned that this young girl is so moody, she is depressed or mad every other day for the silliest reasons. She is so different from my son.  He is so out going so full of life, he is not always angry.  I did tell him not to let this girl bring him down. It seemed he is always trying to comfort her, make her not feel depressed or angry.  I told him that was not his job, that he was only 19 and in college to prepare for his future, not there to take care of this girl.  I don't believe when you are dating, especially in the early stages of dating that it is supposed to be full of unhappy moments.  He never really had a long-term girlfriend, and this is supposed to be happy moments, falling in love if that is what supposed to be, just being happy to be together, having fun with other friends.  But this girl is acting and treating him as though they have been dating or married for years. 

I have to be careful of what I say to him, because I know he is older now and I know he likes her.  Yes, he is a smart kid, and I know I have to let him see for himself, but, I know very well from past experiences that there are manipulating people out there, people who don't give a hoot about anyone else.  And the more it goes, I can see this girl, is very smart at what she does. I see her path of trying to control him, trying to pull him from his friends, by getting so angry at him when he spends a little time with them.  I see the manipulation she uses on him in regard to me, it is not out there in your face, bad talking about me, but, let me tell you, it is relayed very well in the mind. 

During the week, we went with him to get him settled in school, and of course she is there waiting, which, is normal for that to happen.  This is his 2nd semester in college, and I wanted to get either a shirt or bumper sticker for my truck, showing where my son goes.  Well, of course she wanted me to meet her future step mother, which was fine with me, I want to know them.  So we followed her to meet the lady to eat out.  The lady seemed really nice.  I could see that the girl really like the lady and just chatted away with her and the others who were with us. 

But, it came to a moment when most left the table to get some more food only myself, my husband and the girl were sitting at the table, and I asked her something, and she totally ignored me, and let me tell you, there was no way she didn't hear me, so I asked her again another question and again she was smug and ignored me and didn't answer me, this time my husband saw it clear as day, what she had done, and that I was not crazy, when I said she did this before. There is no excuse this time, for she knows me a little better now. And she had no problem talking to everyone else.  She made sure she never did this in front of my son, because when he came back to the table, she then was trying to talk to me.  But, the DAMAGE was done.  I no longer will give her the benefit of the doubt.  You can treat me crappie only a few times, but then I have my limits.  I see and feel that she is trying to pull my son away from me, and let me tell you, anyone that tries to put a wedge between me and any of my kids, well they are in for the surprise of their life. 

I am no idiot, I know my kids will grow up and there will be disappointments and fights and even days we go without talking, I know they will have new people in their lives, and more important things to deal with than old mom.  And that is fine, that is what I want for them, to grow and learn and be happy.  But, not to be turned against their own family by a jealous girl. 

I am not wrong about her either.  When we left the place, she had it all planned out, where we were going, well it was out the way and I had to get back home 2 hours away to tend to my other son, who was getting out of school, and I had already said I wanted to go to the bookstore in the college and get my bumper sticker for my truck.  Well, of course she said, she could get it for me and bring it to me later.  I told her no, that I missed the opportunity the last time and time before, and that they would forget.  Normally I would have said, OK, and let her do that, but I am learning her more each day. 

  I have seen this happen before with my siblings and myself with our mother and our in-laws, our mother who is a very strong woman, and does speak her mind, but who also is a very respectful person, would just let those sort of things go and go with the flow, trying to keep peace.  Well, because she didn't go with her instinct and put her foot down with those people, each and every one of them disregarded her and treated her and the rest of us like we didn't matter at all.  Each one of us got hurt so bad by those people and so did she.  She has learned from that and so have I. 

Sitting at that table, outside by the cars, I didn't allow her or any of them to make me do something I didn't want to do. I was not going to let myself be with regret and self anger, not this time.  I know I may sound like some little immature kid, you may think, oh my goodness is she fighting with a kid.  No, I am not fighting with a kid, but we all know anyone can manipulate you if you allow it.  And besides if I let a kid rule my doings, then how in the heck am I supposed to keep adults from doing it!  

My life has been through so much turmoil and I lost myself so long ago, and I am now finding it again, learning who I am, and I know my kids will learn form my example, and I want them to see their Mom as a "Honest, Respectful, Loving the Lord, Self Respect, Wise, and with a Mind of Her Own."  Kids learn what they live.

It may sound as though I am angry, but, truly I am not.  I am just exhaling all that has happened.  Each day, I am growing and learning.