OK, This is continuing from yesterday happenings. After the whole ordeal of the foolishness between the lady and I at Wendy's, My boys and I headed off to the open house for my 14 year old. He is in the band and they were performing at this thing.
I guess like I said earlier on it must be the PMS pushing my emotions yesterday and today, because the drive to school and before the program started, my oldest and I were having a big disagreement on the girlfriend issue. I have been really trying to understand and go with the situation of the gal and him. But there are so many things I don't agree with and also, so many things that have been said or acted out toward me by her, at least that I feel this way. And it seems that it always comes up between my son and I because I have a hard time to bite my tongue, I am afraid if I continue to bite my tongue, I will bite it completely off. All he wants is for us to like each other, he really likes her and he really loves me his Mom.
I can be really stubborn and hateful at times when it comes to my kids, and my son knows this and he is afraid if I don't like the girl then I will do all in my power to break them up. This is something that I would have done and have done before, but, I am trying to be a different person and it is a progress that is going very well considering all that I have been through and still go through. I don't want to be this all controlling Mom but I also don't want someone else to control him either.
Reality is a hard thing to accept and letting your oldest grow up and make his own decisions something you always did, and letting him make his own mistakes and deal with the outcome is not so easy to do. But I am trying, I am working so hard on it. But days like yesterday and today make it so hard.
Let me tell you, as I am sure most of you already know, being a Mom is a tough job. Dealing with the feelings I had from the situation of my oldest and his girlfriend, I also had to remember that I was there for my 14 year old and that I had a 5 year old there with me to tend to also. So, we agree at that point at the school, to continue later, I wanted to hear my other son playing in the band. Which by the way he and the band did a very good job at their performance. After the principal did her long and boring speech, we finally got to go and meet my son's teacher and get his progress report, which I was so proud of him, all his grades were A's and B's with the exception of one D in math, which for some reason we all had, have that problem. He still has a little time to bring it up before report card time.
We all decided that we would order pizza and head off to home and eat our bellies full and watch movies. It was a pretty good evening considering how it started off, hubby was not with us because he works the evening hours, but of course I filled him in and saved him pizza.
Then it happened, the girlfriend called in the middle of our time, not once but twice. My son told her we were talking and eating and that he would talk to her in the morning. She had wanted to come with him on this one visit, but I asked him not to bring her or any one, that I would like just for him to come and spend time with his brothers and I. We had not really spent time with him since Aug, he got a job this semester so he doesn't come home on the weekends, and I felt it was time to be just us. He agreed.
I read many different things into her calling him on our time. That she is jealous and controlling and she don't want him to be around us only to be with her. Then, I consider it maybe her insecurities, and that she is afraid that I will turn him against her and she don't want to loose him. So, I do try to see her side and try to see a positive reason to this.
But of course with her calling, I started up our conversation on the subject of them. We talked for a while, disagreed, cried, and such, but one thing we kept making clear to each other was that we are not mad at each other. Hearing your child talk to you as an adult can be hard, but yet very rewarding, by this I mean, it is good to know that my son at the age of 19 feels comfortable enough and secure enough to tell me how he feels, whether it is good or bad, whether I like it or not like what he is telling me. I want to know how he feels about the situation, I want to know how he really feels about this girl, and I want to know how he feels about what I say or do, and he also feels the same way.
We both agreed to call it a night, and that it is not all settled. We were not angry just still trying to find a solution. The uncertainty is not really between my son and I, it is really between this girl and I. I really need to talk to her, and thought about calling her but then I figured not this night, a time will be right.
This morning, up early to get off back to college and get the other boys ready for school, we hugged and kissed and said our good-byes and be safe. I wanted him to be safe and not to worry to much, so I don't let on how much my heart is hurting over this whole ordeal. So, he left and I waved bye and head back to the house, my hubby was being a horse's butt this morning and being mean to the other boys and all I could do was yell at him not to be mean to the boys, that they had done him nothing wrong, and that just today, I couldn't handle it, and I just broke down and cried. He didn't say a word, he went to the restroom and a few mins later he came sit by me and touched my hand and told me he was sorry and that he didn't mean to make me cry. We said how we were feeling and accepted each other's apologies. I was so glad for this.
My emotions are roller coasting today, whew. I know it will pass and I will get a hold of them again, but, for the moment my eyes are swollen from tears.
The story doesn't end here, there is more that happen this morning. I got on the computer and who pops up on, the girlfriend. Well, my fingers are tired and my eyes are tired and my mind is tired, as too I am sure your eyes are tired from reading my exhaling, but, I will come back and finish up and let you know what happen when I started up the conversation with the girlfriend.
My life and my family are no peaches and cream, but, I surely do love them with my every being and my every breath. And, I know God is there with a helping hand to pick me right back up when I fall. Thank you God and I love you.
Thank you to my new blog friends for ya'll responses and helpful words of wisdom, and I hope you all have a little better day than I seem to be having, lol.
