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Exhaling
Thursday September 28, 2006
OK, This is continuing from yesterday happenings. After the whole ordeal of the foolishness between the lady and I at Wendy's, My boys and I headed off to the open house for my 14 year old. He is in the band and they were performing at this thing.
I guess like I said earlier on it must be the PMS pushing my emotions yesterday and today, because the drive to school and before the program started, my oldest and I were having a big disagreement on the girlfriend issue. I have been really trying to understand and go with the situation of the gal and him. But there are so many things I don't agree with and also, so many things that have been said or acted out toward me by her, at least that I feel this way. And it seems that it always comes up between my son and I because I have a hard time to bite my tongue, I am afraid if I continue to bite my tongue, I will bite it completely off. All he wants is for us to like each other, he really likes her and he really loves me his Mom.
I can be really stubborn and hateful at times when it comes to my kids, and my son knows this and he is afraid if I don't like the girl then I will do all in my power to break them up. This is something that I would have done and have done before, but, I am trying to be a different person and it is a progress that is going very well considering all that I have been through and still go through. I don't want to be this all controlling Mom but I also don't want someone else to control him either.
Reality is a hard thing to accept and letting your oldest grow up and make his own decisions something you always did, and letting him make his own mistakes and deal with the outcome is not so easy to do. But I am trying, I am working so hard on it. But days like yesterday and today make it so hard.
 Let me tell you, as I am sure most of you already know, being a Mom is a tough job. Dealing with the feelings I had from the situation of my oldest and his girlfriend, I also had to remember that I was there for my 14 year old and that I had a 5 year old there with me to tend to also. So, we agree at that point at the school, to continue later, I wanted to hear my other son playing in the band. Which by the way he and the band did a very good job at their performance. After the principal did her long and boring speech, we finally got to go and meet my son's teacher and get his progress report, which I was so proud of him, all his grades were A's and B's with the exception of one D in math, which for some reason we all had, have that problem. He still has a little time to bring it up before report card time.
We all decided that we would order pizza and head off to home and eat our bellies full and watch movies. It was a pretty good evening considering how it started off, hubby was not with us because he works the evening hours, but of course I filled him in and saved him pizza.
Then it happened, the girlfriend called in the middle of our time, not once but twice. My son told her we were talking and eating and that he would talk to her in the morning. She had wanted to come with him on this one visit, but I asked him not to bring her or any one, that I would like just for him to come and spend time with his brothers and I. We had not really spent time with him since Aug, he got a job this semester so he doesn't come home on the weekends, and I felt it was time to be just us. He agreed.
I read many different things into her calling him on our time. That she is jealous and controlling and she don't want him to be around us only to be with her. Then, I consider it maybe her insecurities, and that she is afraid that I will turn him against her and she don't want to loose him. So, I do try to see her side and try to see a positive reason to this.
But of course with her calling, I started up our conversation on the subject of them. We talked for a while, disagreed, cried, and such, but one thing we kept making clear to each other was that we are not mad at each other. Hearing your child talk to you as an adult can be hard, but yet very rewarding, by this I mean, it is good to know that my son at the age of 19 feels comfortable enough and secure enough to tell me how he feels, whether it is good or bad, whether I like it or not like what he is telling me. I want to know how he feels about the situation, I want to know how he really feels about this girl, and I want to know how he feels about what I say or do, and he also feels the same way.
We both agreed to call it a night, and that it is not all settled. We were not angry just still trying to find a solution. The uncertainty is not really between my son and I, it is really between this girl and I. I really need to talk to her, and thought about calling her but then I figured not this night, a time will be right.
This morning, up early to get off back to college and get the other boys ready for school, we hugged and kissed and said our good-byes and be safe. I wanted him to be safe and not to worry to much, so I don't let on how much my heart is hurting over this whole ordeal. So, he left and I waved bye and head back to the house, my hubby was being a horse's butt this morning and being mean to the other boys and all I could do was yell at him not to be mean to the boys, that they had done him nothing wrong, and that just today, I couldn't handle it, and I just broke down and cried. He didn't say a word, he went to the restroom and a few mins later he came sit by me and touched my hand and told me he was sorry and that he didn't mean to make me cry. We said how we were feeling and accepted each other's apologies. I was so glad for this.
My emotions are roller coasting today, whew. I know it will pass and I will get a hold of them again, but, for the moment my eyes are swollen from tears.
The story doesn't end here, there is more that happen this morning. I got on the computer and who pops up on, the girlfriend. Well, my fingers are tired and my eyes are tired and my mind is tired, as too I am sure your eyes are tired from reading my exhaling, but, I will come back and finish up and let you know what happen when I started up the conversation with the girlfriend.
My life and my family are no peaches and cream, but, I surely do love them with my every being and my every breath. And, I know God is there with a helping hand to pick me right back up when I fall. Thank you God and I love you.
Thank you to my new blog friends for ya'll responses and helpful words of wisdom, and I hope you all have a little better day than I seem to be having, lol. | | Posted by SammyJo at 3:00 PM - | |
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 Bad bad person was I yesterday. I guess I could blame it all on PMS, but then again we are supposed to be responsible for our own actions. Whew, it was supposed to be a good day, my son from college came home for a nite to get a hair cut and just spend time with us. We were going to open house for my 14 year old at school in the evening so I was very please to have all 3 of my sons with me for an evening.
It started off pretty good, son arrived we gave big hugs and kisses, head off to get few things done. Picked up the 5 year old who was so excited to see his big brother, then off to get the 14 year old. They all clowned around and we thought of what we would do after the open house. Before we would head off I went to the drive thru at the Wendy's to get the boys Frosties and Nuggets. Of course, they had a problem with our order, would have to wait few min for the Vanilla, so we went with the chocolate. Got to the window to get it, and Boom, asked us to drive up and wait few min for the nuggets. Well, then we could have just gotten what we originally ordered. But, OK we went with it, while sitting waiting, boys open their ice cream and found they had give 2 vanilla and 1 chocolate, we thought OK good, but then we noticed one of them must have been from the last of the barrel, it was so watery, so I got down went inside to the counter to get another one. Well, going in there was 1 lady at the register and I want to say 2 people standing closer to the door a little behind the counter. I just walked up to the counter on the side of the lady paying the girl, more like in front of her, but I felt I looked and no one else was waiting in line or standing right there except her paying her bill, I didn't think it would hurt anyone, because I really need to talk to the people at the window which that was the close to it.
I just walked up and I did know the girl who worked there, and I just looked at her with a look of disgust and put the cup down on the counter, she looked at me as to say what wrong and I said this is so nasty, too watery, that I would like to have another one, I realized maybe I was looking mean, and I didn't want that to be the case so I try to change my attitude with saying if I could have another one please. She knew it came from the drive thur, so she was getting the girl from that area. But then I heard someone making a sound a grunt or moaning of disgust, so I looked behind me to make sure it was not the people behind me, that maybe I did cut in front of them, but, it ws not them, they didn't even look like they were waiting for anything. So I waited, and then I heard it again, and looked to the lady on the side of me paying her bill. All this happened so fast. I realized that it ws her making the moaning gestures at me, I figured she didn't like the idea that I had come right in front of her. Which don't get me wrong, I understand, so I moved I got on the other side of her like behind her as not to be in front of her
. Well, talking to the girl about the situation of the ice cream, she went to get it for me, but, This woman, was not sastified, she kept making the grunting sounds at me. I was like oh my goodness I know she is not doing this. I looked toward her and she would never look at me but made it again, well I knew it was at me, she wanted me to know that, so I said, "I am sorry maim all right"!!!!, I did say it abruptly and sort of rude, but, I was not in a great mood and I had really been controlling it pretty well, up until that moment. Either this woman was in a bad mood too or she was just a real ?????, because she still wanted trouble, she just kept that mean look on her face and would just glare at me, oh my Goodness, I was totally shocked, but I just was nice to the people got my ice cream and asked for a spoon and they directed me to it and of course the woman walked passed me glaring at me with that hateful look. At that point my oldest son walked in and he could tell by the look on everyone's faces something was not right, he asked me everything all right, I should have just said yes, but of course not I had to say, oh there are just some rude ugly people in the world, and then the woman said something like well you cut in front of me, and of course I had to reply, don't even remember what I said, and she made another reply, I was going to say something more and then realized how stupid it all was, and just shut my mouth and gave a look as though it was foolish.
Here we were 2 grown women acting the ass over nothing. I was so ashamed of myself for allowing this foolish woman to get to me. I was so angry just blew off steam in the truck and went on home. I thought about calling the Wendy's and letting them know that if they would have gotten my order right the first time, I wouldn't have been put in this situation in the first place, then I thought, maybe I should just call and apologize to them, that it could have been handled in a better way, then I thought to myself, SammyJo, stop thinking so darn much, what's done is done, they prob don't even give a hoot and neither should I. I just asked God to forgive me and help me to stop being so angry on this day.
Just a little humor
| | Posted by SammyJo at 12:41 PM - | |
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Wednesday September 20, 2006
What a Beautiful day it is!!!!! I started my day off as normal, getting up from staying up way to late and hubby helping me out with the kids to get ready for school. My youngest still sleeps with us, Hubby works nites so it is not to big of a deal during the week nites, well any way I wake him up and ask if he wants to stay home with mommy today, and of course he tells me no, I want to go to school, which I am really glad for. Now if I would seriously ask the 14 year old that question, well let me tell you he would take me up on that offer, lol. (Oh by the way Lucy, I do believe what you said about that age group to be true, LOL, and thank you for the vote of confidence) Then off to school they go with a big hug and kiss and a have a great day!! Then I make my usual call to the college son to wish him a good day also.
But then later around 10am or so I get a call from my eldest son in college, he was just feeling so happy today, he just wanted to tell me how beautiful it was outside, how much he was really enjoying it, the cool breeze. It really made my day that he called me to share that feeling he had, most kids only call to give you the bad news, not often they call about the good things. I really enjoyed hearing him feel so good about the season, that he really took note of it.
Well, I just couldn't help myself, I too went outside to feel the beauty of the day, the sunshine, the cool breeze, no humidity, praise the Lord. Here in Louisiana you get lots of that. Well, I just wanted to share that with you today. Take note of what is outside your door today, whether it is shining, raining, hot, cold, what ever it is just enjoy it so, Life is really beautiful even with all the troubles in it.
I love Ya God and all your children
| | Posted by SammyJo at 2:00 PM - | |
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Hey blog world: I have to start off with something that happen tonight while on the phone with one of my friends. She has a 3 1/2 year old son, whom she is trying to potty train, well let me tell you, he came out from the bathroom so proud to tell his Mom that he had made a potty and I mean the big number 2 potty, lol. Well, my friend was so estacticly happy she was just cheering and I could almost see her jumping up and down over the phone. I think that is one of the most beautiful things that happens in life is when you feel such joy over the littlest things that your child can do. I surely remember all 3 of my boys finally potty training, especially the last one who is now 5.
Speaking of my 5 year old, this is another special moment that happen today, while I am here playing on my computer, he just walks up to the bedroom door and just sorta leans up against the door frame like some big guy just a thinking. I ask what is wrong and he said nothing mommy, I am just standing here seeing what you are doing. The way he looked just captured my heart so, and I just said come here and gave him the biggest hug and kiss. This one really says and does things that amaze me so. I have 3 sons and I love them all dearly and each one has special moments, but with the youngest one I guess because I am older with him, I realize what is really important and what to just say oh the heck with it.
Before I confuse you totally, this blog will be filled with many different stories, because it has been a while, and my mind is full of different thoughts.
My job has been going rather well lately. The days I work are perfect for the days I need to be off with my 2 younger boys. My 14 year old is doing so well with school, which I must say Yippee. He is still working with me on the chores issue and getting an allowance for doing them. Which is so great, The both of us still get what we want out of it. Today for instant, He finished up with cleaning my truck, which I must say it looks awesome, I will be proud to drive it tom. I told him I would pay him around 35dollars for doing the truck and for cutting the grass, to my surprise, he told me "mommy, I really didn't do much of the grass cutting, daddy did most of it, so I think that is too much payment", I was in such awe that he would admit to that, I told him for his honesty I would pay him 25 dollars instead of 20 which he said I should give him. His face just lit up, I told him it pays to be honest. I am really working hard on this one, he is not a bad kid, just a lot harder to understand than the other ones, that is why I get so excited over these seemly small matters.
Now, with the oldest boy who is in college and the girl issue. I have to say I am proud of him also, I will not go into all the details of things again, but, all the issues that we have disagreements about, are not just being pushed off. He is actually hearing my words and taking in to consideration what I say and not being blind to some matters. His respect for me is there for all to see, and I too am giving him his much deserve respect. He is a good guy with lots of love and respect in his heart, even though he tries to make people think he don't care at all, it is way to obvious he does, and that is why I worry so much, for the ones who take advantage of that. But, he is listening and his eyes are open, he has opened his mouth and spoke out about what should and should not be done. No, I don't want to control my son, but I also don't want anyone else to control him either or change who he is.
To continue with changing the subject on ya.LOL. I have met some new bloggers on here and some old ones too. I really enjoy reading their thoughts and their comments on life matters and just plain old silliness. I thank you all so much for taking the time to read my own thought and life happenings and for the comments you gave well more like advice and compliments, which I do so appreciate and I do take into consideration. By someone reading my own words saw something that I never saw, and gave me thought to think about when it came to my son's girlfriend.
I've learned even people who live thousands of miles away go through all the same emotions we all do. They hurt, smile, cry, get angry, have kid issues and marriage issues and so many other issues, have doubts about why we are here. It is really great to be able to touch all these issues with so many different people.
I am by no means an always perky, happy, without doubt, without anger, knowing all thing, person. But I am surely going through a change in my 42nd year of life, and I don't mean the woman thing of "the big M" lol. I mean my thoughts about things, my releasing so much of the anger I have held on to for so long. Letting some of that stubbornness, all controlling attitude down some. Trying to see both the cover and the inside of the book. My heart being broken by the loss of love ones is slowly healing, that will take time I know, and I also know it never really goes completely away, but does get better.
Baby step by Baby step I am finding myself and learning to like myself.
| | Posted by SammyJo at 12:20 AM - | |
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Sunday September 10, 2006
The other day I was trying to clean out things and unpack some things that I had packed and was afraid to unpack because of the hurricanes from before, but decided to put faith in God.
I came on my pics, and the pics from my son's prom a year ago, it had pics of the girl and her Mom in there, I had not seen the mother of the girl in a while, well to continue, later in the afternoon picking up my youngest from school I met with an old friend who stated that my son look just like his dad, which I agreed, then It made me remember what this woman the mother of the girl who went to prom with my oldest son; had told me once because I was so worried about having a child so late in life, she told me that good people like me should have kids, that we need more well raised children in the world, and that "You stop having kids when your last child looks like the first one." Well, it just made me think of her.
Well the kicker is that nite at work I met one of her sons, and he told me that his mom had passed, I was confused, I had to make sure I was talking to the right family, and sure enough it was them, This lady had died, I was in total shock, she was only 56, she died of cancer, which she had only be confirmed of having since June, it took her life very quickly because it had gone misdiagnose for too long. I was so sorry for their lost and all I could do was say so and cry.
They are very good people, this lady was a very good woman, Always treat me and my family with kindness and respect. Of all the years that I have known her from the school I had never heard her once talk ill of anyone, never. She had 9 kids, and her husband has Parkinson, and had a stroke, so he has been in a nursing home for a while, so she took care of her kids alone for many years now, and not to mention every child that she worked with in the school or child that she met through her kids became her child, she treated them as such, and treated us the parents in great respect.
She loved God very much and it showed in her attitude and personality. We were not close friends, and didn't have chats like best friends, just more through school and such, but, she touch my son's and my life forever. Sometimes there are friends that never touch your heart at all and then there are social friends who live in your heart forever, and she is one of them.
It struck me odd, This woman who I had not talked to in a while, that I would think of her twice in this day, and then that nite find out she died. I felt as though she was telling me, and I believe she was, because she loved everyone that was lucky to have met her. I called my son and let him know and he came down for the funeral which was yesterday on Saturday.
It was a different kind of funeral, A different religion, but it was great, the preacher spoke, well yelled it out the message, and spoke of how he feels that this lady may have wanted to give one last helping hand to someone who may have needed it, and I felt so touched by it and I feel that it helped my son also. He is not doing bad things just being in college and having a new girlfriend has his mind forgetting God a little and I keep reminding him, and this funeral help get God's message across in some small way, not to mention, it made him realize how short life can be and how much he loves me and his dad. So you see, She did God's work one last time. | | Posted by SammyJo at 12:27 PM - | |
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