Sorry...about the unexplained angry....
My eldest son...was playing games with his truck and broke it....but what was worst...he lied about how he did it..I found out the truth in another place..he did however tell the truth..but..only because I wouldn't leave it alone...I know...like Granny said..we all get lied to and get hurt by the ones we love the most...but it doesn't make it any easier...and because of my son lies..it put my hubby in a predicament to lie to me also...so it was double lying to me...I hate lies so very much...especially with my family..I am so honest with them..and I do expect the same from them..whether it hurts or not...I know kids get scared to tell the truth..especially when they know the Mom will get upset but I've always told my kids better to tell me the truth first...no matter what..I am no expert but I do seem to have that 6sense when something just not right...
I think..in some weird way..it is my own fault....why..because I do so much for them all and that sets me up for the hurt...I recall another blog friend telling once...that I need to let them learn on their own...for me to let them grow and make their own mistakes...well that is something I never do...I always get them out of it..I always fix it...or make it easy for them when they make the mistakes...
Well...this time SammyJo...said no more...I am so tired...with these past 4 years...I have lost a home with hurricane Lily...I lost my brother..lost my nephew..my sister lost her home with hurricane Katrina...My husband and I were one week away from a divorce before I canceled it...and now we are losing my aunt...that is just a sum of it....man if I would go into depth with it...and with all this..struggling to keep my soul in tack with God.....
Yeah..I know...Poor SammyJo...like I am the only one with problems...I am sorry to my blog friends for complaining know you all have troubles also...but..it is a struggle for me...I have been dealing so well for these past 4 years..but now I think I am at a breaking point..and I do believe that is why God lead me to this blog place..and lead me to my new friends on here...there is so much I am learning from you all and many ways to cope...
Well...SammyJo...is making some changes...at first I was going to quit my job..then I decided to see if I can take a few months leave...so I did some talking to my supervisor..it will be passed to the upper boss next week..to see if it will be oked...Either way...I will not work for the next few months...I will take this time to get my family back in tack...put my ground rules back into effect...Middle son will not have to watch younger son for a while..will be able to keep better eye on him with his grades and such...and be there to tuck younger one into bed...
As for the eldest son..well i already started with him...we helped him get the truck home..and now he is home till Jan...he went back to work at a job that was held for him while he was in school...but..I fooled him....he used his dad's truck to get to work the first day..but I told him no more..he asked if he could use it for at lest the week..I said no...(my heart just broke to do that..I wanted to just give in..but I didnot)...that..since his truck was broken because of his foolishness..that it would not be made that easy for him...(I can't punish him like a child..since he is 19years old..lol..so..I found another way)....I told him it was his responsiblity to find his way to work..he has friends...or to pay for a cab...
Now for 1 year..I have been making it easy for him to go to college..with the agreement he had to abide by some of my rules.....I have been saving money to help him...and he works too but saves only a small amount..and just blows the rest...I have been paying for his truck insurance and cell phone..well no more..I told him that it is now his reponsibitiy...since he has this kind of money to blow on doing wrong things then I will not support this kind of behavior...He is really a good kid..but if I don't Nip this in the Bud now..well then I know it will turn into bad....I have seen it happen....I need to save our relationship now....Helping him was actually hurting him..so now..a different kind of help he will get from me...I just hope I am not doing the wrong thing....Because God knows how much I love my sons....more than my own life....but..I also have to save my own sanity..my own soul...
I will take a line from LFL....I SammyJo..will now take a deep breath....and Breath in Jesus..and let him heal my soul and lead me........
Now...from out of my gratitude book.....(Thank you PWH)
1.I am thankful for healthy children
2.I am thankful for my husband
3.I am thankful for my home
4.I am thankful for our finacial security
5.I am thankful for the breath in my body to be thankful....
In Jesus's name Amen......................
SammyJo
"HAVE A BLESSED CHRISTMAS EVERYONE" 
