Trying to get back in the grove of things is not so easy...Kids went back to school yesterday from their 2 weeks vacation..First day getting back was not to difficult..but Oh the rain..so much rain yesterday...I think it rained all day...A Parish about an hour and half away from us really got hit hard yesterday by the storm...I think like 3 tornados hit it...so many homes were damaged and lost...so far that I know of 2 people were killed..and many were injured...it is so sad...
As I watched the news last nite something I haven't really been doing lately...My mind is so much in awe at all the things I see going on around the world...If it is not Hurricanes hitting the Gulf areas..then it is Ice Storms...Snow Storms...I saw were they are still trying to save all them cattle from freezing...People getting lost in the snow mountains...and now rain weather that brings floods and tornados...
It really makes me think..All these things happening is I feel a warning from the Good Lord...He must really be angry at us..Which I surely don't blame him..Shoot I am angry at myself and many others for the way we live our lives in these days...
Talking about living our lives..wow..This morning my middle son got to me again...Fridays are never a good day and with us getting up a little late I was trying to make sure everything would run smoothly..I was so proud of myself..not getting angry...at least I was not letting it show on the outside..The yougsest son..well of course he was whinny just over silly things..He whines over me brushing his hair..but that is ok..he is only 5 well next month 6 years old...well the middle son was doing his thing not giving me no trouble...But with the knowing I had to get things done...my stomach starting acting up..when I get nervous..I get ..what I think is heartburn..like an ulcer..that is what I believe it is..and then it hurts so bad to where it goes up in my chest and feels like I am having a heart attack...when this happens..I usually have to lay down for at least half hour..well I couldn't do that..I laid for maybe 3 mins..then I said no no..I forced myself up to finish up with the youngest...and hubby got me some pepto for it..I made it stop..I didn't let it control me..
Well then here comes the oldest...asking if I washed his shirt for work..well he didn't tell me anything about it the nite before..and he is 19 he goes to college he should take care of his buisness..so of course I bickered about it....well during this I noticed all the mess on the floor that the new dog had made..so I called the middle son to come and do his part...that was the agreement..his dog..his mess to clean up..I didn't fuss at him..not at all I just told him to come and sweep up the mess....I had brought his dog out this morning to use the restroom..I figured give him a break this morning...well it didn't seem to make no trouble..I was glad for that..but then I was looking for my glasses which I knew where I put them the nite before..but of course they were moved..and I yelled out to the hubby " where did you move my glasses to"...I know it may have seem rough..but I really was not fussing...just in a hurry...well..I heard someone say..."Oh..she is on the Hunt this morning"...OMG...that hurt so bad..I thought it was the oldest that had said that..but no..it was the middle son..well evidently he was mad about having to clean up after his dog...I got so upset...then I really yelled at him...and yes..I hit him on the arm again..not like before..but I did hit him...
I was so upset...it hurt me so bad what he had said about me..Like I was some sort of animal..a monster...I tend to lash out in anger when someone hurts me..espeically lately with all that I am doing for my kids and they are what I feel....kicking me in the Ass!!!!!Excuse my french...
I finally just start crying and crying....I told them I really have had enough....that it really hurt me for them to think and say things like that about me...I try so hard to be a good Mom and I love them so much and feel I am not getting it back...I think they do love me...but I am only human and I know I am partially the blame for letting it get this far with them walking on me..letting my middle son get away with so much...In other words yes you can spoil your kids too much and that I did..Now I am suffer for it...Don't get me wrong..they are really good kids...Very polite...and not really into trouble with bad things..but when it comes to responsibilities at home..well Mom always did it all and now they don't want to do their share...I know it will get worst with my middle son before it gets better...and the same with every thing..but it seems to be he and I who are butting heads right now...
I know some of the things I have to do or try out..but with all the holiday activities and now getting back to school and just taking my leave well I have not been able to put it all into action..I have started some though..like making them clean up rooms..pick up after themselves...going to bed at decent time...and I do believe that is what causing more frustration with my middle son..he don't have that freedom he had before when I was working from 4pm -12 midnight...When I was not here..he just did what he wanted to do...he would not do homework..he would just eat and drink all the time I was not here..and he really has put on some weight because of that..well I am here now and I don't allow it...And there is no more being abusive with his words to his little brother...when I hear him just tell his little brother to shut up just for talking to him..well I correct him on it and I have even made him apologize to him..don't get me wrong..if the youngest is doing wrong..well yes I correct him too..
I do believe like one of my fellow bloggers said..It is the idea of finding someone or something smaller than he to be able to have that control over...and..I now am trying to teach him that he can't do that..I did talk with him yesterday about that..I told him when he is frustrated at things or even me...that he should not take it out on the dog or his little brother..just beat your pillow or scream into it...talk it out with me...but not be mean about it...But then here I am giving him a hit when he upset me..wow..such a good role modle am I...Yeap..He and I have a lot of work ahead of us..a lot of healing to accomplish...Like I said..I know it will get way Worst before it gets Better...I will stumble and I will fall...but with the good Lord's help I will not give up..at least I hope not...
Whew...that was some steam blowing off this early morning....and you know what..it felt so good to get it off my chest....
Well I must go pay bills ...at least the sun is shining today...but the forecast says rain the whole weekend....OMG..that means in the house with butting heads with my kids..Lord help me....
