My mind, and heart are so full of memories lately...I'm wondering if I'm soon to die...Nah..it can't be..it's just got to be getting older and truly appreciating all things that have come my way..
I start thinking of things and want to just write it all down..but jeepers...I don't think I'll ever end lol lol..so if you come across things that just don't seem to match ..well, its from different parts of my life or just what comes to mind...For instance...Last weekend when we had our day out at play...while eating at the pizza place, so many memories came rushing back ..from when we first went with the eldest as a baby up until the last one being a baby...I sat there looking at my 15 and 7 yr old and just admired everything...and I remembered a time when I was feeling so nervous and rushed ..thinking I had to have it so right..and now, I see it didn't really matter..Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed each moment...but I don't think I enjoyed it to the fullest that it should have been given..So as I realized this, I looked at my 15 yr old and I told him, one day, when your older, and have your own family, and you are out eating at a nice fancy place, and your kids are screaming for this or that, and as soon as you think you got it, one spills their drink, I want you to just take a moment and look at them, see this moment as a precious memory, a gift, and just smile and use your love...The look on his face ...was so wonderful, he smiled this smile of understanding...
And talk about memories coming back, whew...my eldest boy is moving out of the dorm at college, and into a house with a friend....(Breathe)...Doing this on his own...working, doing great in school and now going to take care of rent and such...my lil boy, (Tears) omg, he is really growing up, I am so proud!!, but, my heart hurts................I still see his lil face, his lil grin, his lil voice...I see him walking up them big steps on the first day of school, sitting at that table with his coloring books and telling me bye momma...I see him sitting in my front seat in 2nd grade crying because the lil girl he liked didn't accept his valentine card...I remember his proud day of playing his saxophone for the first time at a concert for all ..Oh and the first time he and his best friend got to sleep over...oh man, it was like the best thing in their lives...and I remember the fear in my heart when I drove away leaving him for the first time at a swimming party..His first kiss, no of course not, I didn't see it...lol...but he did tell me of it, and that alone made me feel proud ..for most boys don't tell their moms...Smile...Oh and how proud I was watching him in the all star band...and standing beside him as he received his senior ring...and then watching my lil boy walk up to receive his diploma as a young man now..
Memories shared with him as he enrolled in his new college, falling asleep in the truck while he sat in on meetings...seeing the excitement he was expericing with all this new college stuff all the while my heart was in such fear...and then driving away and leaving him there...knowing he was scared but didn't want to show it ..for he didn't want me to be scared....
We both have come a long way in all these years...especially in these past 2 years...But, like this lil book I used to read to him said...
I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living
my baby you'll be.
Always and forever I love you my guys...
So many say it will get easier with the next one to let go...but, I say they are wrong, for it can never be easy to let go of a child you love no matter how many you have...each one is different and each one is a part of you...
With that, I'll close this post...and play a few songs that truly fit the feelings...
These past few weeks, I became invisible to other's and their problems...and gave of myself to my family...and let me tell you, it has been such a blessing...
It's been so long since I've just spur of the moment done something, well one day I noticed the wind blowing out, so I went into my youngest's room and grabbed hold of the kite...and told em come on...so there we were, flying these dollar kites as high as they would go, and of course getting them untangled from fields and the roof..lol...but, hearing my 15 yr old laugh so hard to the point he fell on the ground..and just telling me how much fun he was having ...just meant everything to me...my 7 yr old had just as much fun watching...he was a lil unsure about holding on to that string while it went so high...Smile..It's amazing how such a lil thing as flying a kite can bring ppl together, you just talk of so many things...and smile...
I'm getting to know my son again, and I'm being a Mom to him, not just a commander....
This past weekend, he and I took out bright and early and went browsing the flea market, it was so much fun...I think without him even realizing, he learned a lil bit more about me, his Mom...and I for sure learned a lil more of him..after our time alone, we then called Dad, and had him and the youngest be ready, for now it was time for all of us to go play...we just went shopping at the cheap-o places, lol..and went eat pizza...The day was just beautiful, the sun was shining, not to hot, and not cold, just perfect...we ran into so many ppl we knew, and you bet I had my camera, and snapped me some pics ...Smile...
Instead of me trying so hard to force my family to understand this and that, I've just started showing me, and showing the love I have for them in my heart..It's amazing how another person will listen to what you have to say, when their not so angry at you for other things...
I also, spur of the moment asked my hubby yesterday if he would come take a walk with me...and so we did, we took our crazy dog, but it was a wonderful walk together....I'm hoping for us to find a friendship that we never had, and maybe then I can fall in love again ...As a young girl, I believed love came from attraction and other things...but I now know it comes from friendship first...a life lesson to me lately...
Well, guess I'll stop with the chattering...and play some new music I've been hearing....enjoy and have a Happy Week ....
SMILES!!!!
On our walk...the green is coming back..
Storage bins for the beans
In those trap are some yummy crawfish waiting to be put in my bellie lol lol.
Never Put Off..What Should Be Done Yesterday!!!....
So many different goings on around here...I am such a procrastinator...about what??..my taxes...let me tell ya, when I finally decided to sit my Butt down to do them, OMG!!..things that I had to do, and didn't understand...finally started getting the nick of it, and then bam!!!..needed some info, that I couldn't seem to get from anyone...all places closed from Friday thru the weekend...OMG!!..not a thing could I do on them papers...and Tuesday was the deadline to mail it off...I cried lots over this past weekend..and I kicked myself in the butt over and over..for it was my fault...!!!!!
Monday finally arrived..Yeah!!..got the info I needed..ok sat and started again...ummm..got stumped again..called tax place...them ladies there now know me..lol lol..for I called them many times in a day..heck over the weekend..they were such great help...may God bless them greatly...I used to do my own taxes ..and then the past few years with discounts, I allowed others to do it, but this year I wanted to do it myself..but I surely had to refresh myself, and waiting till the last min..was not such a great idea...
Now, remember, I was trying to get all this done, and still tend to my family, get kids off to school, get kids from school...so, I was like loosing my mind...lol..well late into the nite on Monday, I thought ok...I got it..now with the taxes done, I had to get online...for now I had to use these same taxes to fill out some info for my son who is in college...which I might add was due on the same day the taxes were due out..See, such a procrastinator I am..well I am going along just fine..then hit another bump..omg..did I forget something..omg..so here I stop..get on the phone with the tax ppl..now it was 1:30 am..yea..the place was still opened..."Thank the good Lord"...she was wonderful!!..and to my amazement...I did not mess up...I did it right..Whew!!...so back to the puter, and finish up that info ...
As I clicked that button to submit the info, and then seal the taxes up to mail off, I just sorta sat there...then looked at the clock, jeepers it was 3am..ok hit the sack, but...6am comes quick...so up again...kids off to school..hubby sleeping from work...it was time to finally hit the P.O. and let me tell ya, I was not the only one who Procrastinated....Nope not at all...there I waited in a line for a few moments longer than I cared to...but..at least I was there and a beautiful Stamp was put on them just in time...Yeah Baby!!!!...LOL LOL..
So, now I can breathe for a moment...Whew...."I make this promise to myself..next year..this woman is doing them taxes way early...LOL LOL.."when I finally hit the sack Tuesday nite, I was out like a light...lol lol..ZZZZZZZ'sssss..lol lol..
So there you have it...and let me tell ya..this is not the only thing that just about broke me this past week and weekend...there is more, but I'll tell it in another post...later.....But, I will say one thing...Thank You God, for being with me thru it all...for giving me the strength I needed...
Oh..am I so perfect??...Heck No..In my life I've done things I'm not so proud of, and even to this day I do things not worthy of forgiveness...But, yet the good Lord still gives it to me..so, I say who are we to not give forgiveness to others...
I know so many times we hurt others with the things we do, and likewise to us by the ones we love..but that should teach us all that we are human and never to see only the surface..for just because the root is not shown, doesn't mean it's not there...
I've had this friend for many years, whom I know does things not right, and so many others judge her so greatly...but, little do they know her heart is greater than theirs will ever be...I would trust my life in her hands more so than the one who seems so upright...The things she does may not be right, and I do let her know, for I believe letting her know is the right thing to do, but, I do it without being judgmental, I do it with Love and Respect..and I say it to her, for it is her that needs to know..
Fool some may think of me, but, ..I will use my own experience.. my own judgment of her..as so with any of the ppl I meet..in the real world and here in the puter world...Many ppl think me to be easily swayed, but in truth, I have my own mind..and just when you think you've got me pegged, you've lost your way...Smile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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