So..so..what do I say...where do I start....
UMMM....lets see...
My oh my..my emotions have been in a fickle...Not..sad..but yet sad..happy but not happy...wow..do I need some drugs or what...lol...Not...no way...
I have been in my inner self mood lately...I have my friend so worried..I tried to tell her that I am fine..that I usually handle myself with things..but..it is so hard for her to understand it..because here I am..always there to pull her out of a slum..but..yet I don't allow others to help me...ummm...does that make me bad...No..I don't think so..I have done well with it myself all these years..and I will continue with it...somethings are my own...somethings..I deal with on my own..yes..here is a place that I can come and let out some of them..to a few..I have..to others no offense..I am still working on it..
A fellow blogger once told me..that even at my age..I have seen and been through a lot..and you know what..I never really realized it..but..yes..I think I have...guess..I never really thought of it before..just dealt with it...somethings I punished myself for and somethings I learned to live with and am learning to forgive and heal...
I have been just sitting back and really listening and watching..and man..so much anger and hate has been going around...everywhere...even here on the stream...This is supposed to be a place we can come to and be who we are..not judge..but yet..it comes here too..So sad...But..I am me..whether anyone likes it or not...You can either like my icon..you can like my silly stories of my life..and continue to visit me..or you can just politely go away to another blog...makes me no difference...I feel as many other bloggers..the ones who have been here a long time and the ones who are new...this is not a popularity contest..I don't need to be in competition with you or anyone else...There is to much of that already in our everyday life..don't need it here..
Such petty little things...I'm not saying I don't do those petty little things at times..it's just there are so many other things that are so real..so painful..so worth the time...Like hearing someone you love has Aids...and watching them go through many years of dealing with it..suffering through all that comes with it..only to see them give up and die alone...or receiving a letter from a 20 year old saying he don't want to live and to please never forget him..and then the next day finding out he was gone forever...to go inside the very room he laid dying in the very bed that sits there in front of you...To feel that pain...to know there was nothing not a damn thing you could do to make it better..To see someone you love go through physical and mental abuse by another person who is a monster...to see it mess up young children's lives...To see a young mother bring her young children to a place and have to leave them there a week at a time..not being able to tuck them in at nite..to kiss them goodnite..only to find out years later the very place she thought was helping her babies learn because of their disablity..was really a place that taught them pain..abuse..how to hide..Or to see a young girl so full of life..so full of love get caught in a trap..not knowing what to do..so confused..to the point she follows what others thinks she should do...to end up in a room doing something that will be a forever nitemare...To see a young boy sit in front of a grave..crying his heart out because his parents just don't know how to settle things amongst themselves..To see a child so angry..so full of hate toward his mother..and don't even know why..To come home to nothing..to see your home blown away by winds..to see your life in shambles...to loose your faith..To feel nothing...nothing at all..to be driving along a path that you drove a thousand times before and now..it is as though you never came this way..you are so lost..To feel as though you don't know who the hell you are...to wonder what happened..who am I..where have I gone..Can I get myself back..back to where I belong..can I overcome it..
This is real life...not some stupid petty fight over who should or shouldn't be noticed..We all have lived through some of the things I mentioned..and some which I have not mentioned..those are the things that are really important..the things we lived through..the things we need to just vent out..the things we need to heal..This is my place to say what I want to say..my place to put the silly little pics that I want to put..and I believe all should have the same right..
And no..I have not been attacked by anyone..at least not yet..lol..It is just as I said..I have been in my inner self mood..and just the things I've seen going on here and out in the world..have made me want to say the things I said...
I know it is Saturday nite party..and I don't mean to ruin it for anyone..but..I had to vent...
Have a great weekend and saturday nite party...
SammyJo....
