So many thoughts in my head...and didn't know how to write it out..so I will just ramble it out...yeap..one of those blog days that will confuse the heck out of even my own self...
A week has gone by and still I'm without my darn dryer..unbelievable how much I depend on that stupid machine!!!...Cloths hanging everywhere to dry...whew..hard as a board are my towels.....The repair man said it was fixed but when we plugged it in last nite..it was doing the same darn thing..GRRRR...He is coming today to check it again...
Diet is like going to Hell...doesn't seem like I'm loosing a thing..I walk and walk till my bones hurt..but not a LB comes off...Grrrr...Maybe if my addiction to Pop would mellow a little then some would come off..lol..
For over a year while I was still working...hubby had Overtime coming out the butt..now that I decided to stay home and tend to my family..all that OT has suddenly disappeared..funny how things work..Money is tight..but..this lady has learned from past errors how to budget..oh yes indeed I have..but..why does it seem that all things happen when you are in that budget mode..??..!!
Why do I tend to be with ppl that I know I don't fully agree with their life styles..or with ppl who seem to always be so depressed...??..
My friend is Bisexual...but prefers a woman over a man..I have always tried to be non judgmental of a person even though I don't believe in that way of life..That way of life has taken someone I love away from me..I didn't want her to be mislead by me..I felt as though she was falling for me..She said no..she knew that I didn't go that way..but..you always know..you always have that sense..I'm the type of person who is a clown and loves to love and shows it by my actions...but..a day came to where I felt just maybe she was hoping there would be more..no..she never has made any advances in that way..but like I said..you just know..So..in a way a sorta cruel way..I insulted her..by what I said about women being together..I knew it hurt her..but..I just didn't want her to think there was any chance she could be with me...
I know..in the bible it says to not be around ppl or things that do not please God..but this friend was so in a world of depression..and since we have been hanging out together she has so much come out of it..she smiles more and she even opens up her shades in her house..it does my heart good to know that I could help someone...but I just don't want it to be because of false hopes...Things seem to be ok..and we still do our walking together and of course we laugh a lot..
Again..I ask myself..why do I put myself in positions that are so nutty...
My guy friend..the one I was worried about us going down the wrong road..well we still talk..His marriage is still in such a mess...There are so many things about his wife that I know..but..I don't feel is my place to tell him..He wants his marriage to work so badly....and I don't want them to end a marriage because of something I said..so I just keep my mouth shut..I didn't want to take sides..but it seems that I have..I really love this guy...and I want him to be happy..but..I just don't see it happening with this woman..she is so lost in her head..she lives in a fantasy world..pretending he don't even exist....She doesn't seem to want him..but..she doesn't seem to want to let him go either....I try to understand where she may be coming from...because there are 2 sides to a story..and many times I feel for her..but then..the more it goes..the more I see how much he tries to make his family come back together and all she does is fight him ever step of the way..one min she is warm and then the next she is cold as ice..He begs her for confirmation that she still loves him..and she is cold and never confirms that she loves him..she runs to her computer or runs away to a bottle of wine and meds..She has laid all responsibilities of everything on his shoulders..I am very proud of him for not giving up..for taking care of all things..including his kids...I know..being a couple..there are times in your life that one may not be up to doing such things..and you need the other partner to take up the slack..but..when it goes on for over a few years..Then something has to break..And if she doesn't open her eyes soon and realize what she is doing..she will lose so much..
As for he and I..well..we both care for each other very much..we always have and we always will...We both know it is an unforbidden....Our families and our friendship is too important to us...and yes..my hubby knows bout most of the things that I've talked about...the girl and the guy...lol..
See..I told you that I was very confusing..I said once before that when God comes to my name..he says..ok..lets see what SammyJo is going to do today with her mind..with her heart..Well.."God"..I have been keeping it in tack as well as I can..I have been doing the right things..at lest I hope they are...You gave me a heart to love..and a mind to know how to handle it..and I thank you so much for standing there right behind me to keep me in line if both fails me...I pray that you touch my friends..all of them..open their eyes..show them all the precious gifts they have..show them the right path to follow..I ask of you Lord in your son's name Jesus...Amen...OH..P.S...Let me have my dryer back soon...lol..I love ya Lord...Amen...!!...
