Yes..I'm feeling better from the other days ranting...saying it out loud and getting some wise words surely helped me...You know....when I started writing here almost a year ago now...I figured..hey..heres a place I can cyrpt..and just let out lots of anger and hate..To Exhale all in me...never did I bank on meeting new friends..on finding others who go through so much of what I do...on ppl really listening and understanding...and I surely never banked on finding real answers....
I still have a long long way to go..heck..prob..a fighting battle till I die..but..so much has changed in me since I started writing here..since that day Lookin found me...when I find myself wanting to just give in or give up with certain things...some of my fellow bloggers pop in my head..and I hear them telling me...what I need to hear..I've come to know the answers before I even ask the question...Umm...is that crazy...Nope..not at all..they have helped me so much...they make me think and they have help me start to find me again...When ppl looked at me..or I looked in the mirror..yes..they would see me...A usual smiling happy go lucky person..silly..clowning around person...Heck..they would come to me for advice or to make them come out of their depression...but..If they would have really looked into my eyes..they would have seen someone Dying....A lost soul...longing to die...Always trying to figure a way how to do it..once I even allowed my car to flow into the next lane straight into the path of eighteenwheeler...but came to my senses...If not for my boys...and my fear of hell..I wouldn't be here right now....thank God for that huh...Wow..I don't think I've ever told anyone about that before..about the truck...or how serious I was about dying..I've never even said it here until today...Yeap...lots of changes going on in me....Good changes...Now if you look into my eyes...you see me coming to life again....
Ok..ok..enough of the deep stuff...let me tell you..bout my day I had...
busy busy..but fun fun...my baby..he's going to first grade next year..and we went visit the school he will be attending...if I allow it..I am still not too sure about the school yet..I'll pray on it..but anyways...we had a great time..You should have seen him...he just loved it..sitting in a real desk..like a little man..my heart just cried...my baby is growing up...oh my..oh my...we met all the first grade teachers..still don't know which one would be his..but...so funny..one of the teachers was my eldest son's first grade teacher like 14 years ago..at another school..and now she is here..Time surely flys...
After..we finished his visit..got him back to kindergarten...I then headed off to meet my middle son...the middle school band which he is in was performing for another elementary school today..and what's so funny is..that the high school band was also..and the band director called my eldest son to go and help drive the band trailer to the school...so I had both my sons there at the same time..pretty neat huh..Got to spend time with all 3 of my boys today....kept me busy....It was the last time my middle son would be performing with this band..he is moving on to High School next year..but..decided he doesn't want to be in the band anylonger...it sorta broke my heart..because I feel music is wonderful..but I am learning to allow my boys to be who they are..not just what I want them to be...Wow...did I just say that..Is that really me..LOL LOL...
So..there you have it..not a wasted moment in this day....lol..oh..and tomorrow..I'm in for a long long hopefully fun fill day again..Hubby,youngest son, and I....are jumping into the truck..and following my middle son's class on a trip to New Orleans..to the D-Day Museum...and an Art Museum...We are leaving at 6:30 AM...YAWN...I'm a nite owl..not a rooster...LOL...but..I know it will be so worth it...Eldest son..can't come..he has to work...oh well he has his time with all the school trips before..
So..now...I think I've covered everything..LOL...and if I go missing for a few days..well..it will be because of the last days of school and many things going on..but I'll be back to fill you in on all...
Have a great weekend all..and be safe and blessed....
Show the smile not only on your face..but in your eyes....
Ok..today my blog may not be what you want to read..it will consist of Anger..Cursing..and so on..I have to rant and rave today...I have to do it here...as not to do it to the person....
Well...JB...you little arrogant SOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!....You stood there at the foot of his bed..telling him every ugly hurtful mean spiteful thing you could think of..You wished him dead..you told him you couldn't wait for him to die..you told him you hated him..you called him a damn fag...You did everything you could to make his days here as miserable as they could be...you stole from him..hit on him..just so many things that you just don't think that we know about..But you little bastard..I do know..and I have been dealing with it..and thought I was on the road to forgiving you...but now..Here I find you announcing to the world...That you are Gay...and showing pics and telling the world that is your boyfriend...You are nothing but a hypocrite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.........
I don't give a rat's ass if you are gay..but..I surely give a damn that you condemned another that I loved so dearly for being the same...you damn arrogant ass...I tried to ignore the evil in your eyes...I tried to tell myself I'm not seeing it right..but..I did and I still see that same evil in your eyes...that evil look on your face..it just shines out on you...I have prayed for your soul...but..I think I will reverse that prayer to my own soul that I don't loose it because of the way I feel towards you!!!!!!!!!!!.....
And while I'm on the rant...I have to say that I also have contempt for your precious JL also..she helped you learned how to be evil and you went right along side her...I will always blame the both of you for the death of 2 ppl I loved....You both pushed and pushed and took and took till they had nothing else to give...and then threw them away like garbage....I don't wish neither of you to die....I want you both to live a long long life and to SUFFER!!!...to get in return what you have given...May God forgive me for feeling this way..Please God...!!!!!!!!!!...Vengeance is your Lord...but...I am human...and I hurt and feel anger and I do want them to pay for what they have done...and I want to see it...!!!!!!!!!!....My mom...myself...my family has suffered because of these 2 evil monsters and those who helped them hurt the ones we loved.."love"....
That felt good!!!!!!!!!!!!!....Think I will start doing this more often...no more holding in...no more holding back and only using nice perfect words...when I feel it..I will say it..well at least here...LOL..
Wow..Today is such a beautiful day...Can't believe how gorgeous it is out...
First off..I have to update about my Dr. visit...All is well..The Doc gave me a good bill of health...He told me that all the Mr. Pibb with all that caffeine was making my breast hurt the way they do...Isn't that amazing how my oh so favorite addiction is making me hurt so..so that means I have to slack down on it..or just put up with the hurting..which will I do...ummmm...I will surely try to cut back..besides..it is also keeping me from loosing them lbs..Of course..I have my mammogram set to make double sure all is well..being a woman entails so much...whew...LOL..
Sorry I missed Saturday nite music...I actually went to bed at 6pm..yeap..I laid my behind in bed at 6 in the afternoon and didn't wake up till this morning at 6 am..boy did I get some much need rest...My 14 year old and I spend most of the day yesterday with my Mom and step father had a garage sell..or should I say a yard sell..lol..we had a great time..
After that..we went pick up hubby and youngest son..and headed off to Lowes..and finally got my New Dryer..YIPPEEEEE.....Yes..we finally accepted that the old one could not be fixed..and I was so very tired of hanging clothes all over the house lol lol...It was so nice to hear that buzzer go off telling me the clothes were dried lol lol..yes indeed...lol..
After my 12 hours of sleep I was ready to head off to church this morning...Did something different today..usually I go alone in the morning to do my interpreting and hubby and kids go in the evening..but today..I asked hubby to come with me..just he and I..and then we could spend some time together alone shopping...it was really nice..Something small but yet so big in our relationship...at least I feel...
Today's sermon focused on waiting..having patience..and letting go...How the apostles didn't want to let Jesus go..when it was time for him to ascend to heaven...They were afraid...they had always had him there to guide them..but..He told them to wait..not to leave the room..to wait for the spirit to come to them..which would guide them to doing what they need to do..to spread his word to all...To bring more ppl to him...The only way he could fulfill what needed to be done was to leave...Then came the sermon on how it pertains to us now days..how sometimes we have to wait for things.. to be patient..In God's time all good shall come...and how we must learn to let go of things..not to stay in our safe place..to encourage our selves..and our children to go out into the world...not to hold on to them forever...Not to be afraid..The only way to succeed with your life is to go out..to let go...
That sermon...was so meant for me...
There are so many times I doubt and heck so many times I don't want to believe..but God is very persistent....He never leaves me alone..He whispers in my ear..and lately he has been yelling it out to me through so many different ppl..my hair dresser..my Mom..the priest..my blog friends..He is showing me the way..he is showing me he is there and he will never give up on me..And you know what...God...Thank you so much..!!!!...for loving me..for not giving up on me even when I seem to run away from you...I know I can't go wrong with you.."God" on my side...I love ya Lord and I give ya thanks through you precious son Jesus....Amen..amen..amen....
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