I don't think I posted this before..and if I did..oh well...lol..I thought it was very heart warming...
The Wooden Bowl
The Wooden Bowl I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now,a month from now, a year from now.
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old grandson. The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table.
But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess. "We must do something about father," said the son. "I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor."
So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There,Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometime he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, "What are you making?" Just as sweetly, the boy responded, "Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up." The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life.." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.!
Amazing...how quick the days past...already in the middle of June...For the past week I think it has rained ever day ..well maybe it skipped one day..but...a pretty rain...yea..with some thundering going on but the kind you like to enjoy....Not the kind that scare the pants off of you...lol...Now don't get me wrong..it has been hot also..As I look out my window at this moment the sun is shining so brightly...Looks to be a beautiful day...
Last nite while I lay in bed..my 6 yr old put his hand in mine...comparing the difference..as he would count forward each year 7, 8, 9, and so on..he would move his hand upward on mine..as to make it grow..funny how smart a child can be..I told him one day his hand will outgrow mine...like his brother's did..he was in amazement...I carried a very sweet conversation with this so young child...and it made me remember the same conversations I had with my 2 other sons...When I first became pregnant with my 6 yr old..it was not planned at all..I was 36 yrs old..and my youngest at the time was going on 9yrs...so..you bet I cried...and then to be told I was having yet another boy..well..again I shed tears...But...this lil boy has been one of my greatest blessings...I'm not comparing or saying that my other 2 boys are not...because..if you know me by now..which I'm sure I've given enough of myself here for that...well you know I adore my kids....but this lil guy..seems to be the stitch that binds our quilt together...with every lil smile..every lil remark..just every thing he does...I really believe he is the main reason I've not lost complete control of my mind...lol..
Speaking of loosing my mind...lol...the training class for the dog...is going pretty good...My intentions for this class was to get that big puppy to behave...but...also to help my middle son learn patience and to feel he has accomplished something...and guess what...this past week at the class...it happened...My patience surely was not there..but my son's was..and he handle the dog himself...he was so proud..the drive home...he was all smiles and talk of how great things went...it did my heart good...I was so proud of him..and I told him so...
My eldest son...has been busy working...saving his money for school....I've been leaving him be with it..allowing him to take control of it..of course I interfere some..but...he will be 20 next month...and if I want him to be capable of taking care of himself..I have to allow it...hard as it may be...lol...besides..look at all the mistakes I've made in my life...I can't expect him not to make some also...Oh please don't mistake my words for saying that I'm not on guard..not watching...lol..for I am...you bet your butt I am lol lol..but..I've let out the strings way more than I ever thought I would...
As for myself...I've been laughing at things that usually make me angry...not that I like the matter...but..somethings I can work on and others I can't change so I'm trying to let it be...
I catch myself being so caught up in things....to the point I don't know if I'm coming or going...Like a robot wandering the days...thinking I know what I am doing..all the while..not knowing a darn thing...God is in my life...but..I don't think I've allowed him in fully....A few things lately have been making me think a lot of these things...trying to reevaluate myself...Since I quit my job months back...I thought I was working on getting things better...which some things I have..but..as for me...I don't think I've really been doing that...I look at myself..and ask...do you like...and lately...the answer has been NO...I know what has to be done...I know the changes that must be performed...but yet..I keep falling down...and like a big coward...I hide...Hide behind ppl's positive and negative thoughts of me...Don't get me wrong...some of that matters...but in the end what really matters is what I've done that is pleasing to God...and as a friend said to me...if it is pleasing to God..then it shall be pleasing to me...
Thank the good Lord...every day is a new...a second and third..and so on chance..for me to be able to see and change myself...I want to know me...I want to know more of what his plan is for me..Whether it be as simple as making someone's day with a smile...or wiping a tear from my children's eyes..but..to be real..not fake...no lies...be true of heart...as I know I can be..
Well...that is some of the things that have been going on..and have been on my mind lately...
Well..I'm still here...I know it seem as if I dropped off the face of the earth..LOL..but..nope..can't get rid of me that easy...LOL..
So..lets see if I can recap a few things in short..don't think it will be short as that is not my style...LOL..you know I've got to ramble on long long..lol..but I'll try lol..
So..my eldest son is almost back from his 2 day visit with the girlfriend...which you know how much I love that...LOL..but..he is safe..that is what is important...The girlfriend and I have had a phone conversation..which she seems to think mended us...but omg..this girl said some things...that either she is really lacking in common sense or thinks that I am...lol..Lets see..she as much called me a liar...threaten me with grandchildren that don't even exist...tried to assure me that they don't have sex often...(OMG..I so wanted to hear that huh..lol..I'm not the mother in law...I'm still the boyfriend's mom...duh..you are not married yet..lol..)...Of course I said my peace...but when I realized it was not penetrating..I just got silent..which my son..knew what that meant...she didn't seem to catch it..but boy did he..But..if she thinks that it was a start of us getting along better..well...then..I will not throw a stone in it..I will let it be and see where it goes from here...but..with guard...
As for hubby and I...well..we play the game of happily ever after...but..my heart is not there...I know I love him...but..I'm not in love with him..I did try..but..he has really messed it up...I'm trying not to let this define me..but..it does have some affect.....I can't lie to myself...so much confusion and anger still inside of me..from this and so many things that have happened in my life...and I will take some of the blame...not all is other's fault...The difference now is....I know I'm not alone...I do have so many who love and care for me..and that in itself gives me strength...
When ppl I love disappoints or hurts me...it brings me way down..but then...I jump back in the saddle and keep on riding...if I don't..then I might as well lay down and die..which is not an option..I think some think of me as weak because of my heart..because I try not to show the grudge..I still show love instead of hate..but..I'm not only doing it for them..I'm doing for myself..I don't want to live with anger....
With hubby again...I felt as though he was not trying to mend what has happened..but then...a few nites back..he and my youngest son put into effect...praying together at nite..My youngest really likes it..that we all get together and say the prayer before going to bed..So..I guess that is one big plus for hubby...but..still so much more to mend...
Not all things are bad here...middle son and I enrolled his husky into a dog training class...Which omg..he really needs it..he is still driving me nuts..lol..but..let me tell you..our first class with him..omg...with all them dogs there...you could only hear ours...he wanted so badly to go meet all the other dogs and he surely let everyone know it...lol..the whole store could hear our dog yelping...it was embarrassing but yet so funny...but...by the end of the class he was calm...I was in awe...it will take some time and lots of work..but..the class is going to teach us what to do...at least I hope so...lol..tonight we are going to another class..so wish us luck...
See..I told ya...not my style to be sweet and to the point lol lol..heck..I didn't even tell all..lol..like how hot it has been..and it is not even July yet...whew..I must be getting old...can't stand that heat...or maybe I'm just to darn spoiled to the AC...LOL....Well..I'll close for now...and wish you all a good day..and many blessing...I love ya'll...
So..what do I say....besides my old man's lies...I find out more junk...things being said about me...Man...I always felt that no one ever thought of me...but come to find out..that is all they do...talks of me...watching me...omg..it is so unbelievable...what ppl are capable of...Now I am speaking of my Hubby's family...I guess you would call them my In-laws...LOL..going on 22 years of marriage and these ppl are still in hate of me...it sorta makes sense of some of the crap my husband spits out...now don't get me wrong I don't take any blame away from him..he is a grown man...but..lately he has been spending lots of time with them...without me..which is my own doing..cause I don't go where I am not wanted..even though they say come on over like some ignorant fools..I know I am better off away from them...but..him being with them and they not liking me..well..not Cool..huh..
Over these years...I've stopped hating them...especially the mother in law...it has made my soul much better...but..evidently they have not let go...I really didn't care what they say..as long as I know it isn't the truth...but..when they start turning my husband more against me and not only that..their mouths are running against my 14 year old son...They have always thought of me as no good...Well..hell lets say it like they think it..they think that I am nothing but a whore...With my son...they have always treated him like he don't belong..they don't think he is their grandson...Which is my husband's fault..years ago..we had separated...and of course with this there is lots of blame and wanting to look like the good guy and make the other one the bad guy..so his mouth ran..saying I was having an affair...(putting it mildly)..but...then during our time of separation...during his visits to the house...we conceived our 2nd son...so this kind of put a glitch in what he had been saying..so..I later found out he denied being with me and said our son was not his....ummm..Was I dreaming those nites....Anyways..this was 15 years ago...I thought for sure it was the past...Hard as it was I let it go all that he had said...but...come to find out...mouths are still running...but..to much talk of my son's name...and I will not stand for it...Mess with me...but when you mess with my kids....then you might as well jump off a cliff...
Years back when I heard of this..I wanted to have a test done...but somehow it got forgotten about...but..Now..I am having it done...I've already gotten the number to call ..and I am making the apt...A big part of me..feels that when I get those papers showing that my son is for that jerk of a husband...that I will go to all their faces and throw it..and then tell them to kiss off...but...then..I think...I'm not doing this test for them....No..I'm doing it for my son...because even though he knows the truth...just maybe one day...I may not be here and some idiot will put a doubt in his head...and I can't have him unsure of himself...we are working so hard on his anger as it is...So this test will be for him...his assurance...and of course my idoit of a husband....Oh..he says he has no doubt...but look at all the damage he has caused...and he lies so much...Whew...
And as I said earlier...the watching of me.....I have an inside source..and it was told to me that..these ppl go out of their way to pass in front of my home...checking to see if I'm home...and if not..omg..they comment that I'm not home when I should be..and where must I be...OMG...I thought my curfew ended like over 25 years ago...LOL..Kind of funny if you think about it....If I'm supposed to be home at what ever time they say...then shouldn't they also...UMMM...I think its kind of funny and sad at the same time...that they have no life...that they are so obsessed with me...I already have my eldest son's girlfriend who is so obsessed with me..and now I find out my inlaws are too..
All I try to do is take care of my family...make the best for all of us...and I hide here in my home...I'm not perfect...and I've made my share of mistakes...but..it is God who is my judge..not any man here on earth...especially when they have so many of their own...And my mother raised me better than to be a Whore...
For way to many years these ppl had made me feel less than nothing...I finally put a stop to it...I grew up...my eyes opened...and I saw them...I saw they were not without their own faults...not above me...So..I guess it angered them..that they could no longer hurt me...so now they are trying a new approach...but...what they don't realize..is..I've learned a lot within these pass few years...and especially this past year...So..they and my husband might as well get over it...I'm here...I'm not low...and I fight back now....
As for Hubby and I..well..we went for a 2 hour drive...and I refused to go home until we either got things out and tried to figure out how to make this shamble of a marriage work or end it...Lots of things were said...and tears came from him...there were no tears left in me to cry...
No..the drive didn't solve things..but..it was a start...and it gave me some sastifaction...he did admit to the lie that put all this into play....and..he apologized to our 14 yr old son for calling him the liar and for making him lie to me...The only problem is...so much damage has been done...it will take a lot to fix it...If it can be...
Maybe I will sound like a no good person...but for now...my only worry is to take care of my kids....I will play the game.....I now know that being in love is not real...not anymore for me...I made the choice and now I have to stay with it...and no...I will not hate either...I've worked to hard to get away from it...
Whew...how's that for what to say...I kept going back and forth...should I complain..or not...well..I guess I just did...No Pity..no way...that is so far from what I want...I refuse to be weak...I am a survivor...
I want to thank my precious friends here for your prayers and words of encouragement...you may not see it in the words I write...but..it has helped me greatly...It has kept me from jumping...and kept me from doing things of stupidy...I love and appreciate ya'll very much....
SammyJo
My song pic...Hope...well that is my kids...they are my hope that keeps me going...
Things have been going so well..at least I thought...
Funny..how much a fool a person can be...Then again..not a fool..
I so believe in marriage..that you should never take it lightly..that you should always try to work things out..I never for one moment believed it would be a bed of roses...Anyone that believes that is a fool..but..I did believe that you make a promise to love and work together...when you fall that you have the other to fall upon..
But..with my own marriage..it seems to have been a battle from day one..When I first met my husband..I fell so in love with him..with the tummy all butterflies and all..but..even then..he was not an honest person..I don't know what I was thinking...who was I to think I could change him..umm..
Instead..of just being happy and in love..so young..only 18...I was always in a constant battle with some obstacle with him...I don't want to say I regret that I married him..because If not for our marriage..I wouldn't have my 3 beautiful sons...That is something I will never regret..But..there were so many red flags...so many things that he did wrong to me..so many lies...but..I was so naive...
But...somehow..we stayed married now going on 22 years...There have been some good times..but..way too many rough times...It seems..instead of having a togetherness...I've always had to fight the battles alone...with everything in our lives...it always falls on my shoulders..but..I figured..ok..that is just how it goes..he is not the kind of man to deal...so I did....
But..there is a limit..to what I can accept...I work so hard to make our family a family...to be honest...and here he is lying bout everything...he has even brought my sons into it...to keep his deceit he asks the boys not to tell me things..to lie to me...No..not an affair..at least not that I know of...but..he lives his life as though he is preparing for a divorce...Like I am the enemy...
His family and I have never gotten alone..so I keep my distance...but..I've always told him that he should see them...well lately...out of the blue..his parents have been going to see him for his lunch at work..and just other things..really secretive...I've found it strange..but..I am so tired of the battles...I don't want it anymore...There has been inheritance issues since some of the grandparents died..I don't get involved...I know my in-laws don't care for me and would rather bury it rather than I have anything..which is fine with me...I expect that from them...but..I don't expect my husband of 22 years to back them up against me...which little by little I am finding out is what he is doing...sneaking and lying to me...
Eventually he is getting money from his parents..and hiding it from me...You know...it would be fine..but..he comes to me for money to get things..and I have to find ways to fit it in...or juggle things around...when all the while he has money...but the worst part is...with my boys...they seen he had the money..and he told my 14 year old not to tell me about it..Now this is the son that I had so much problems with while I worked..and one of the reasons I quit...I have been making so much progress with him..his anger..his lies..have started to slow...and here my husband comes along and teaches him to be deceitful to me...but the truth came out..(I know..ppl would say...oh well suck it up...ppl lie all the time..but..there is so much more...and this was the last straw..)
My insides were shaking...I felt as though I was stabbed in my heart...all that I thought was changing...was all a lie....
My normal reaction..the old SammyJo would be to throw a fit..my hurt comes out as anger...but..not this time...I went meet him at work...and..His face told me the truth..that he is deceiving me..he was covering lies with more lies..I think my reaction shocked him...No yelling...no threats...just facts..I am almost 43 years old...we still have kids to raise..and we both know that we can't do it apart..we have built a life....it may not be much..but..it is ours..and I told him so...but..I told him..that by his living as though he is not really in my life..as though he is protecting himself from me...that I have lost all trust in him...I can't trust someone who seems to think I am the enemy...He says he loves me and that he doesn't want to loose me.....But how can I believe in him...I will not leave him or force him to leave...but..I give up...I am so tired...I'm all angered out...my life from this moment on will be lived for God and my children...As for the rest...Well...
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