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It's so amazing how the mind works..how the heart works....at least mine...This blog will surely be a mixed up one...as for I have been having so many different things on the mind...
 
For no other reason but all these birthdays we have been having...I thought of loosing my mother last nite...I was saying my prayers and it just hit me...that my mom is in her mid 60's...now don't get me wrong..now days that really isn't old..but yet...I see the difference..I know she has a heart problem...and it just slap me in the head..that one day she may be gone out of my life...and I just don't know what to think of that..or should I say..I don't know how I will ever be able to cope with it...Besides God...she is the only one I can fully trust and believe in...We have had our difference..boy have we..but..I love her so much and I know that she would never ever lie or lead me wrong....I was really thinking of how she must have felt when her Mom died...at that time I knew I loved my grandma..but..even being in my 20's..I was still to young to really realize the lost...and now that I am getting older...I really see...
 
It brought back this awful dream I used to have..that I would see my Mom laying in a coffin...and somehow she would vanish..somehow I knew she was in the trunk of a car which was always way up on a hill...and I would be trying so hard to get to her...but ever time I would get near..somehow she be gone or I just wasn't close enough yet ...It was terrifying..espeically when I would see her lying in the coffin in the middle of our living room...I hated that dream..and I had it more than once in my younger years...I've not had it in my adult years..but..thinking of this made me remember it...
 
I guess seeing my own limitations with my age..I really realize what my Mom must be feeling...and seeing that her own baby sister just died no more than 6 months ago..really hits home...that we are only visiting here...
 
I've also been looking at my own life...now for the past few years...and I surely hate it...I've been trying to change so many things...but..it seems as though I fall more than I get up..Sometimes I feel like I am beating my head on a brick wall with so many things...I know I can't change another person..but..sometimes what the other person does..affects me so badly...I try not to let so many things bother me..but..I fail at it..I worry about my middle son with his anger..but yet..my anger is so deep...how can I help him when I am spiting out so much of it....I see it and I am sorry for it...but...it shouldn't be there in the first place..it only hurts the ones I love...I am so tired of the same old song...
 
There is so much love and joy in me...sometimes I know the reason..but other times I just can't understand why it can't be accepted and copied...
 
I don't know...just things in my head...I'm surprised that I still have my mind with all that wanders through it...lol....But..as long as I have breath in my body I will continue to fight...I have to...because evententally I've not finished what God has planned for me to do...
 

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Posted by SammyJo at 11:33 PM - 4 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
 Morning.......
 

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Posted by SammyJo at 9:30 AM - 9 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Dr Dr give me the news..LOL...
 

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Morning......
 
I can't believe I am surviving this getting up early...lol..with the kids going to religion camp this week..it forces us to get our butts up early..LOL..we need to..school starts in the next 2 or 3 weeks..wow..where did the time go...
 
Well..I made my way to the Dr yesterday...and darn it..that nurse smiled..LOL...wonder..ummm..did she find my blog and read...LOL...And it looks like I will have to get back on the blood pressure meds..I blame it on the heat..and not really wanting to go in..LOL...but..I can't lie...the visit went better than I expected...She actually sat and talked with me...we talked about my weight..my smoking...We talked about how I may just have emphysema..but that it could heal up with time and quitting my smoking...she told me of this new product called "Chantix"..and that is seems to really work with a lot of ppl to help them stop smoking...so...she wrote me a prescription for it....I know it should just be my will power to stop me...but..I am weak..and even though I hate to take meds..I will give it a try...so..I will ask for many prayers that I can do this..Oh yea..I did get my papers to get my x-ray done..so now I have to call and make the apt...
 
So..I guess it wasn't so bad after all..LOL...
 
Smiling at ya
SammyJo
Posted by SammyJo at 11:52 AM - 10 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Give me a break....would ya....LOL
 

GRRRR....I just hate Drs...LOL..You can't just have one thing checked out..NOOOOOO...they have to pull you in and check everything..Jeepers!!!!!!.All I want is to have an x-ray...to ck my chest..or shall I say my lungs...to see how much damage I've done...and of course the hospital won't do it without a Dr's order..so..I call to get one...but of course...they have to see me..I ask the nurse..well what is the Dr going to do..Nothing??..what can she check??duh..I need the x-ray to see..duh duh duh!!!!...LOL..Oh well..then she says..we haven't seen you since Dec 06 and we need blood work and such and you are on blood pressure meds..need to ck that..Well..first of all..that is not true..I've been in there since then...I've had a test to see if I am menapuasing....and something else...and I don't take the blood pressure meds..I don't need them...LOL..Everytime I've gone in there..and they took my pressure..it was always fine..and I'm not on the meds..duh again...so that should tell you something..right..I don't want to take meds that I don't need at the moment..when the time comes for me to take them..My body will be so used of them and then where shall I go..that is the answer to all Drs...Meds for this and Meds for that..well I just don't believe in it..at least for me ....lol..
 
I'm really not trying to make light or fun of it..I just feel like they don't listen to me....I don't have money to give them just to give..Yea..I have insurance...and a co-pay..but them co-pays add up...and you know what..it is not even about that..it's about them making a simple thing so hard...But..Of course...they won!!!!..if I want my x-ray..then I must go in and see her..darn it..LOL..today at 3:45 I will standing on a scale trying not to let others see...lol..then in an ice cold room waiting for a non smiling nurse to come in and ask me the problem...and then again the DR with the same questions...then touch my back and chest with an ice cold stethoscope and say breath in and out..which is hard enough to do on normal ways..LOL..and of course..she will  say I have a sinus infections..that is what she is famous for..LOl..and then say we shall try this..and of course I will have to remind her that I want a chest x-ray done...so then finally I will get what I want..at least I hope...but of course it will have to be attached with some drawing of blood from my arm or my finger..By the time I finish with all this..i will have totally forgotten why I went in the first place..LOL LOL LOL...So insane....
 
Ok then..I stop complaining for the moment..lol..my whole day has not been all complaints..but..I'll try to tell more later..ok then bye for now...keep it good..
 
SammyJo
Posted by SammyJo at 12:37 PM - 4 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Monday Jabbering....
 

So today is Monday....First day of religion camp for the kids..well..for the youngest one..Middle son is one of the counselors..working with the kids..My baby has been so excited about this now for over a week..counting the days till it arrived..and now it has..He knew we would not stay and that was fine with him..he just wanted us to stay a moment and we did....it was so cute..the older kids put a skit on for them...a puppet show which was adorable..and they sang Father Abraham...with all the dancing that goes with it..my lil one jump right in there and did it..Yeap..he is my son alright...so did my 15 yr old..he danced right along...LOL..
 
My middle son actually gets to be in the same class as the lil one...which I am so happy about...there happen to be a lil girl who seem to know him..which I was happy about..till I noticed her pulling and bossing..and even snicker at him..can you believe it...now this is 6 and 7 yr olds...Now I really wanted to walk on over and pop her on the head and tell her to mind her ways.. lol..but I of course didn't..LOl..I pulled my lil one aside and told him to play with the other kids and not to let that lil girl boss him..that he was there to have fun..not to let the other kids tell him when and if he could move...
 
I know..that the way I raise my kids not to be that way is the right way...but sometimes..I really want to tell them to just be ugly and knock the crap out of other kids..LOL..That would be so much easier for them while they are young and in school..there are so many that just don't teach their kids respect and manners toward others...and ours who are reared that way suffer those kids wrath...and I see so many good kids who have fallen prey to this just withdraw and some even give up...
 
Some have said that I am too much of a worry wart...well..I just trust my own self...not them...I've put my trust before with the middle son..in a daycare...and let me tell ya...never again will I recommend daycare...he was only a lil over  year old..and these ppl let my baby walk out the daycare...which he ended up in the street...only reason he was found..was another mother leaveing noticed him..and recognized him from inside....she literally had to get in front of a car to rescue him...and she is the person who called me and told me...not the daycare center...and no...nothing was done about it...oh yea..I did something..reported to the child protective place..and of course they investigated..but..they still remained opened...but of course not with my child...and not with the child of the lady who saved him...
 
Oh my..I started out telling you good stuff and ended up with bad huh...lol..oh well that is the mind of SammyJo....LOL...here and there...
 
Yea..I have more bad stuff to say...it started out good on my 15 yr old's birthday on Saturday...cake and presents..well while they were outside and I was in my room...Our  new addition..huskie dog...was being really bad...somehow he managed to open the door to my son's room and got into the guinea pigs cage....and he killed our oldest one..our mama ....I don't think he did it to be vicious...as for there were no holes or blood at all on her...it looked as though he was just playing with her..and of course he is really big and rough...so..she couldn't survive it....my son was so heart broken...that was his baby...the dog is his also..but that guinea was his first baby...it broke my heart so bad for him..I was the one who found them...the dog was just laying on the bed with the guinea...as though..he didn't know what to do..I didn't have to fuss the dog..for just my screaming at what happened scared him enough...I was worried that my son would hurt him...so I consoled him and talked to him...told him that it would not be right to hurt the dog...That really and truly we were responsible for all of them...not that it was anyone's fault but yet not really the dogs fault either..We've agreed to find another home to give him...it might be better..my son said he wanted him to go..but...I think now he is rethinking it..so I just don't know what to do...I just don't want him to be a mean dog..he don't seem to be as of yet...but..I wouldn't want him to hurt another one of our small animals...I just wonder...was it cause he was playing..or did he mean it...I just don't know...it surely is hard being a parent huh...with kids and animals...lol..
 
So..you see..that old evil one..has been sneaking around my home..around my family causing trouble...he knew I was feeling so good..and he wanted to put a stop to it...but ya know what...he may have succeeded in breaking our hearts..but not our spirits...So get ye behind me old evil one...for SammyJo is turning her back on you...you're not allowed here...Only the goodness of the Lord is living here...Yeah!!
 
Oh I've got to go...time to pick up the kiddies..and see how much fun they had..Take care till later...love ya
 
SammyJo
Posted by SammyJo at 12:47 PM - 10 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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Author: SammyJo
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