A family member placed a call to Citibankhere's the exchange:
Family Member : "I am calling to tell you she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees & chargesstill apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report herto the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" (I really liked this part!!!!)
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Fami ly Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." (Duh!) (Supervisor gets on the phone):
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed, so the late fees and charges still apply." (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)
Family Member: "Do you mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: (Stammering) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew"
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know whatmore I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I really don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees & charges do still apply." (What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "Yes, that will help."
Family Member:" Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"
(Priceless)
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Baked Beans - This is hilarious!
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told
him that I would be late because I had to walk home.
On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was
more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk
off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the
diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked
beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and excla imed
delightedly, "Darling I have a surp r ise for dinner tonight." He then
blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.
I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he
returned and went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure
was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I
seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It
was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a
skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.
I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink
was worse than cooked cabbage.
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I
went on like this for anoth er few minutes. The pleasure was
indescribable. When eventually the t el ephone farewells signaled the end
of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin,
placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved
and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband
returned, apologizing for taking so long.
He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I
had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated
around the table chorused:
"Happy Birthday!"
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
