So..I've been all over the stream...catching up on ya'll..and for the ones I've missed...well to you I say a great big Hello...and wish you all the best of day..well at least what's left of it...
You know how when you feel so great..and you know..just know something will happen...well...it did...within the pass week 2 ppl we know have died...one of which my Mom knew...and the other was a cousin of mine...he was my age..and his wife died about a month ago..and he really took it hard...so hard that a few days ago..he took his own life...opened a bottle of pills and swallowed them all..and now he is no longer with us...
As children we were close..and played together everyday...I was a tomboy..loved to climb the trees and such with the guys...so he with his many brothers and sisters and I had a blast...but years passed and we all grew up and apart...It seems the only time we all see each other these days is at funerals...but..jeepers..it's not supposed to be us..not yet..not at our age..I just don't know how I feel about this...
I've seen..been...done so much...and little by little I am letting it out...When I really think about it..I wonder..was that really me that was there thru it all...No wonder I've had so much confusion and anger in my heart for these passed years...slowly but surely...I've started the forgiving of myself and others...realizing what has caused me to loose myself...and by learning this..I've met a wonderful woman...Me..Smile...I am so thankful that I have God in my life..for without him..I would be a lost lamb...another thing I am thankful for is blogging...it has helped me tremendously...
You know what...sitting here writing...thinking...I've realized that I am happy...and I was afraid to be...but that is ok for me to still be happy in my heart...I can feel sad..and hurt for the lost...but..I don't have to feel guilty if I still have that happiness in my heart...over the past years..with every lost..I've tucked my heart aside..all the love and happiness away...and it just got lost..I always felt..I shouldn't be happy ...not with all the sadness others that I've loved had...(Happy Tears now fill my eyes...for now I am realizing..why..)...I know you all think omg..this is one strange cookie...but...I'm one happy one..Thank you God...I love you so much...oh yes I surely do...God speaks to everyone differently..and this seems to be how he speaks to me..while I'm writing..while I'm thinking...Aint he just great...even though he makes me look like a lunatic...lol lol..
Ok..time for this looney to bid you all a good nite..
Smile
